Marriage: You’re Doing It Right

Tagged Under :

I hear so often about how marriage doesn’t last or how it’s outdated or all these other negative sentiments about marriage. In fact when I was engaged one of my friends flat out told me (to my face) that I was going to be divorced by the time I was 25 (side note: sometimes this makes me want to post “Suck it haters” on my status when I turn 25 but that’s probably not very nice or ladylike so I’ll probably restrain myself). Anyways, before I got sidetracked, I was going to say that my point is that we hear a lot of negative messages about marriage in our culture.

And I hate that – I really do. I’m not saying divorce should never happen – there are certainly legitimate reasons and cases for it, but I think today too many people are going into it with the mindset “Oh if it doesn’t work out I can always get a divorce” or worse yet, are told by other people they can get a divorce or they will get a divorce. And I think if you start out with this mindset, it can be damaging. Especially in today’s culture where we have such unhealthy views of love, sex, and marriage. I mean, if you feel love is all about your happiness, the moment you are unhappy why should you stick it out? If you think it should be this warm, fuzzy feeling you get all the time, why should you stay in it when your life becomes more routine and not magically adventurous all the time? If you don’t think sex is for one person (your spouse) and one person only, I think it is much easier for you to question why you never sowed your wild oats. Other problems can come too when you focus too much on your kids and forget to nourish your relationship with your spouse, which is vitally important, not only to your marriage but to your kids as well. Imagine you had an indoor houseplant and you never took time to water it or care for it because you were too busy taking care of everything else. Plants indoors get no rain and I’m sure it hangs on for a little while getting sicker and sicker, but eventually it dies. It needs your attention and nourishment, just like your marriage does.

And maybe the root of the problem is that we think it’s all about us. But as another blogger eloquently pointed out – marriage isn’t for you. Marriage is about being a servant to another person. It’s a very special relationship between you, your spouse, and God. Nothing else is like it and I’m glad. Because while marriage is wonderful, I am not going to lie. Marriage is also hard work. You have two selfish people who have never done anything like this before. It’s a give and take. It can be very beautiful, but like a beautiful painting where the artist had to put in hard work to make it beautiful, so the two people have to put in hard work to make the marriage beautiful.

So that’s why I think we need more people standing up and saying marriage is hard but it’s worth it. We need more people with strong marriages coming alongside people with new marriages, helping them learn the ropes. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of having less community in our society – many new marriages are left to sink or swim alone. Marriage is a partnership, but I also think married couples should want to invest in new married couples to help them learn the ropes. Sometimes I just want to reclaim community. And I am trying to at any rate in the ways that I can to be a community to those around me. I’m working on a project to strengthen marriages in my immediate community and I’m also trying to think I ways I can reach out to my neighbors and get to know them without seeming like a total creep. But I’m getting side tracked now.

Anyways, attempting to get back on track. I’m hoping someday our marriage can inspire others the way this picture inspires me. I want to surround myself with a culture of positive marriage stories, not negative ones. I want to hear about the people who made it, who stuck it out through the hard times. I want to share my story, even though I haven’t been married long yet, we will be three years in December. Let’s build strong marriages and strong community.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Post a comment

CommentLuv badge